There is an African saying: the bigger the heart, the more someone tries to hide it. While some men react to their emotional/sensitive side a little super sensitively, most men react in a distant/aggressive/dominant way to cover up their more gentle side. By simply approaching things differently you can get to the gentle side of your man:
1. Speak up, he can’t read your mind
Acting like he should know what you are thinking or feeling (if he really loves you) is a waste of a lot of time. You only end up getting more worked up because you think he is intentionally “ignoring” you. The truth of the matter is most men are not that good at “reading” women and even those who think they can often get it wrong. So stop knocking furniture around, banging utensils or screaming at the kids and just speak up.
2. Be calm when you present your grievances
Like I said while he may seem aggressive/dominant, most men (those who are more in touch with their masculine energies) don’t like direct confrontation with emotions that is their Achilles heel. The more emotional/sensitive type will square it out with you and shout his lungs to fitness but most men just keep quiet or walk away. Keeping calm is non-threatening to him, and although you may not get the response you want immediately, at least you’ll be heard.
3. Always think “big picture”
Men tend to look at the significant or important things and get easily turned off by excessive concern over “trivial” matters (of course they are not trivial to us, you know that and I know that) but if you want to get across to him, then start with the most significant or important things and if he hasn’t tuned out yet, you can move on to sweating the “small” stuff.
4. Give him time to think
Do no ask him how he “feels” about this or that and sit there waiting for an answer, that’s a woman’s way of “sharing feelings”. When you get the usual “okay”, “fine” or “well” don’t push and nag. Tell him you’ll give him time to think about it and you’ll ask again later or tomorrow. And then give him time to “think” before he can share or act upon his feelings.
5. When he opens up and wants to share his feelings, let him
Just listen without finishing his sentences for him, interrupting him, trying to interpret what you think he is trying to say, or jumping back and forth from topic to topic. Stay in the moment and refrain from all the other stuff he should have shared many years ago but didn’t. He probably doesn’t even remember it, so what are you trying to prove by digging up buried bones?
6. Offer a viewpoint not advice
When he asks what you “think” he is actually looking forward to your approval on how well he is doing sharing his feelings. The natural “therapist” in us always rushes with advice and unfortunately this same tendency shuts most men down, emotionally. While you think you are being supportive, what he hears is, “If you were smart, you’d know that…”
7. Let him know you appreciate him
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of constantly telling him what he is doing wrong that you forget (or don’t even notice) what he is doing right. Instead of constantly telling him what he is not doing right, do more complimenting him on what he is doing right. When you later “complain” about a “few” things he will know he is not being criticized because he is “not good enough” but you are just not satisfied or happy with that particular “thing”.
8. Take time to share the things he’s most passionate about, like sports
Most men let their emotional guard down when they are deep into something they are passionate about. Just sharing in his passion will most definitely get the two of you more emotionally connected making it easier to share other “emotional” stuff too.
9. Last but not least just be there for him
Let him know you are there for him by being emotionally open yourself. It’s unrealistic to expect him to be emotionally open when you are emotionally shut down or get emotionally overwhelmed.
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of e-Books: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness, Breaking A Bad Relationships Pattern, and Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way.